i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
