You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
