He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
