and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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