I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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