why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize