There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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