stop calling my apartment porn island.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
