i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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