Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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