ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
