she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We smell like vodka and hangover
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
