We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
