To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
