I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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