Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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