Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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