Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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