i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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