We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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