Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
