I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
