It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
