I hate your face
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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