Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
