So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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