my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
