Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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