OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
