My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Randomize
