Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
