guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
