I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
