my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
