so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
