He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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