Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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