Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Let's get the cat blown out
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
