i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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