Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
