Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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