Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize