Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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