Those balls look pretty dangerous.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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