And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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