My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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