why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
