grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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