just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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