apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
