I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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