You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
