Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
