I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
