did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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