yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize