it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
