you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
