Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
