I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I met the friendliest cop last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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