I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
