My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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