when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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