Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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