WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize