quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
