If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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