PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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